Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Advice to teenage girls and choosing friends


How can I reconcile between being a modern teenage girl and a girl who pleases her family and is loved by all, and how can I rid myself of a friend whom I do not like and I cannot find any way to like her?.

Praise be to Allaah.

You should note that the stage of adolescence is the most
dangerous stage that a person goes through, because during this stage there
are many physical, mental, emotional and sexual changes, and the shaytaan is
keen to tempt a person during this stage by whatever means and methods he
can. Hence every adolescent boy and girl must be cautious. What we recommend
at this stage is: 


Strive to do acts of worship, both obligatory and mustahabb,
and strive to keep away from haraam, doubtful and makrooh things. 

Among the means which will help you to avoid falling into the
trap of the shaytaan and keep away from disobedience to Allaah are: 

Remembering that Allaah is
always watching and bearing in mind His greatness, especially when you are

Not following in the footsteps
of the shaytaan. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who
believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows
the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’
[i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar
[disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or
to do what is forbidden in Islam)]” [al-Noor 24:21]. The steps of the
shaytaan are like a chain; the one who follows them will not stop and each
step is more serious than the one that came before it, unless a person
checks himself and gives it up and repents from every sin.

Repenting from every sin. A
Muslim may fall into sin, but if that happens what he must do is give it up
and repent, and not continue and persist in it. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): “And those who, when they have committed Faahishah
(illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember
Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but
Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who
commit sin are those who repent.” Narrated by Ibn Majaah (4251).  Shaykh
al-Albaani said: It is hasan.  

Thinking of death and the
meeting with Allaah. The one who remembers that death may come to him
suddenly and that he will meet Allaah, Who will ask him about his deeds,
will avoid sin. 

Turning to Allaah and praying
that He will help you to do good deeds and give up evil deeds, for Allaah
will never let down the one who calls upon Him. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): “And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم) concerning Me, then
(answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the
invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or
intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led
aright” [al-Baqarah 2:186].  


Strive to find good companions and keep away from bad
companions, for a friend will have an impact on his friends, as it was said:

Do not ask about a man, rather ask about his friend, for
every friend follows the example of his friends. 


You should fill your time with beneficial and useful things,
both religious and worldly, and beware of free time for it is one of the
greatest sources of corruption at this stage. 


If you want to win people’s hearts, then treat them kindly
and have a good attitude towards them, cooperate with them and meet their
needs, for in this way you will be able to win their hearts.  

Among the wisdom narrated from ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased
with him) are his words: 

Do favours to whoever you want and you will be like his
master, and be in need of whoever you want and you will be like his
prisoner, and be independent of whoever you want and you will be his equal.

We will say something in general terms about winning people’s
hearts and earning their love. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, those who believe [in the Oneness of Allaah and
in His Messenger (Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم)]
and work deeds of righteousness, the Most Gracious (Allaah) will bestow love
for them (in the hearts of the believers)”

[Maryam 19:96] 

Qataadah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his
commentary on this verse: This means, by Allaah, in the hearts of the
believers. It was mentioned to us that Haram ibn Hayaan used to say: No
person turns with all his heart to Allaah but Allaah will turn the hearts of
the believers towards him, until He blesses him with their love and
compassion. Tafseer al-Tabari (18/266). 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah
loves a person, He calls Jibreel (A) and says: ‘I love So and so, so love
him.’ So Jibreel loves him, then he calls out to the people of heaven,
‘Allaah loves So and so, so love him.’ So the people of heaven love him and
he finds acceptance on earth. If Allaah hates someone, He calls Jibreel and
says: ‘I hate So and so, so hate him.’ So Jibreel hates him, then he calls
out to the people of heaven: ‘Allaah hates So and so, so hate him.’ So they
hate him and he is hated on earth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7485) and
Muslim (2637). 

Now you see that winning people’s hearts and earning their
love is not within your capacity or that of any other human being, rather it
is in the hand of Allaah alone, may He be glorified and exalted. He is the
One Who softens hearts towards one another and He is the One Who separates
them. He is the One Who gives and withholds, lowers and raises. All of this
is part and parcel of His being the Rabb (Lord or Cherisher and Sustainer)
of His creation, may He be glorified. 

As for how to attain the love of Allaah, this is the greatest
desire of the believer, and this is the great and noble purpose for which
there is only one way to attain it, which is by following and obeying His
Prophet. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad صلى الله
عليه وسلم to mankind): “If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me
(i.e. accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Qur’aan and the Sunnah), Allaah
will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:31] 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whosoever shows enmity to someone
devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My slave draws not near to Me
with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined
upon him, and My slave continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory
works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which
he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and
his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would
surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely
grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about
[seizing] the soul of My faithful slave: he hates death and I hate hurting
him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6502). 

If there remain after that people
of evil and corruption who love to spread evil among those who believe, and
they want to harm you, and want you to agree with them, and are annoyed by
your obedience to the Most Merciful, and your keenness to worship Him and
attain all the branches of faith, then do not pay any attention to them, and
continue on your straight path, and be with His righteous slaves. 

Here we should point out the
importance of respecting parents and relatives, for they are the most
deserving of good treatment and of your efforts to win their hearts. It is
essential to be patient with parents when they regard you as still being
young, because no matter how old you get, you are still young in your
parents’ eyes. Moreover they have the right of being in charge of you,
looking after you, raising and teaching you, and disciplining you. They are
entrusted with your care, and are responsible for you in this world and in
the Hereafter. Part of their duty is that they should ensure that you follow
proper etiquette and pay attention to the rulings of Islam, and respect the
people’s customs and traditions so long as they do not go against sharee’ah.
All of that may conflict with the desires and inclinations of teenagers,
which may lead to the situation that you describe, and you feel that it is a
problem, i.e., reconciling between what is required of you as a teenager and
the whims and desires of your own nafs, and what the duties of etiquette
demand of you, and what your parents’ rights dictate, that you should
respect and accept the guardianship of your parents.  

Hence you will know the answer to
the rest of your question. If this friend is a good person, then try to love
her and grow close to her, and if she is a bad and corrupt person, then keep
away from her and she will also keep away from you. 

statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for
bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good
people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or
good men for good women): such (good people) are
innocent of (every) bad statement which
they say; for them is forgiveness, and Rizqun Kareem (generous provision,
i.e. Paradise)”

[al-Noor 24:26]. 

And Allaah knows best.

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