Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Should she get her son used to not wearing underwear?


My son is four and a half years old. I have started to notice that he sometimes puts his hand into his underwear to move the underpants away from his body. When I told him off for putting his hand in this place he said that it hurts in this area, meaning that he had an erection. So I took off his underwear and left him in regular pants. Now he prefers to stay at home with no underpants. Was this a mistake? Can I let him get used to that?.

Praise be to Allaah.

We appreciate your keenness
to take care in raising your children, which is something that many people
are careless about, even though there are commands in the Qur’aan and Sunnah
which enjoin protecting oneself and one’s family from the Fire, being
sincere towards them, taking care of them and paying attention to their
spiritual affairs such as prayer, and making them sleep in separate beds. 

Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Ward
off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey
not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that
which they are commanded”

[al-Tahreem 66:6] 

It was narrated that
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for
his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his
flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his
flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is
responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth
and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(853) and Muslim (1829). 

It was narrated that Ma’qil
ibn Yasaar said: I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) say: “There is no one whom Allaah puts in charge of a group of
people then he fails to take care of them, but he will not smell the
fragrance of Paradise.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari

Your noticing your son’s
movements is indicative of your concern to make him get used to good
attributes and avoid bad attributes. This is a good thing, but at the age
which you say your son is – four years old – sexual urges have not appeared
in the majority of children. Some research has shown that it is possible for
sexual urges to appear in some children before puberty, which is manifested
in playing with the genitals for the purpose of sexual enjoyment. Some
educators believe that this habit begins at the age of nine in ten percent
of children, and others think that it may start between the ages of two and
six. [See: ‘Adnaan Saalih Bahaarith: Mas’ooliyat al-Abb al-Muslim fi
Tarbiyat al-Walad fi Marhalat al-Tufoolah, p. 468] 

A father often sees a child
of this age putting his hand on his genitals without noticing, and if he is
told, he will pay attention and remove his hand.  

The reason for that in some
cases may be because there is an itch or an infection in that place, because
the mother has been overzealous in cleaning him, or the cause of the
infection may be negligence in cleaning the child after urinating or

Another reason why a child
may be interested in his private part is that he has been given the
opportunity to play with it by being left naked for lengthy periods, so he
starts to look at it and play with it. What should be done is to make the
child get used to being covered from a young age, and put him off the idea
of remaining naked. 

If the child is seen
placing his hand on his private part, he should be distracted with something
else, such as giving him a toy or a cookie, or by hugging him and kissing

The aim is to distract him
from this habit by simple means without making a fuss. There is no need to
scold him harshly, because that will only make him more curious about that
area and find out why he isn’t allowed to play with it. 

There is nothing wrong with
asking the child if he has an itch or a pain in that area which is making
him play with himself. 

Op.cit., p. 472 

With regard to your son’s
issue in particular, we think that you should make sure that there is no
problem in his clothes or body that is making him do that. Try to dress him
in loose underwear and do not leave him wearing his outer pants only. 

Whatever the case: 

We advise fathers and
mothers that it is essential to make their children get used to being
covered and modest, and not let them wear short clothes, whether they are
male or female. They should get used to wearing concealing clothes when they
are still small, so that they will grow up chaste and decent. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is well known that if a
person is influenced by something when he is small, he will remain
influenced by it when he grows up. Hence the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined us to tell our children to pray
when they are seven years old and to smack them if they do not pray  when
they are ten, so that they will get used to it, and the child will follow
what he has gotten used to. 

Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri,
66/ question no. 9 

See also the answer to
question no. 43485 and

And Allaah knows best.

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