Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a Muslim to forbid himself anything
that Allaah has permitted to him. Allaah says (interpretation of the
“O you who believe! Make not unlawful the Tayyibaat (all
that is good as regards foods, things, deeds, beliefs, persons) which Allaah
has made lawful to you, and transgress not. Verily, Allaah does not like the
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “There is no monasticism in Islam.” This was quoted by al-Albaani
in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah, 4/387.
Regarding intimacy between spouses as something that is not
right and that is negative is a weird view. How can it be so when Allaah has
permitted it to His slaves and the best of mankind enjoyed it, namely the
Prophets and Messengers? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم), and made for them
wives and offspring”
Moreover, if people were to adopt this strange opinion, how
would mankind continue to exist on earth? How could the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) feel proud before the other Prophets on
the Day of Resurrection because of his nation being the greatest in number?
It is for this reason that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) encouraged us to marry women who bear many children.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your
great numbers.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2050).
If a woman or her guardian stipulates that (the husband)
should not have intercourse with her at all, or that he may have intercourse
with her only once, this condition is invalid, because it goes against the
aims of marriage. The aims of marriage are intimacy, maintaining chastity
and producing children.
Should the marriage be regarded valid but this invalid
condition be cancelled? Or is the marriage invalid from the outset? There is
a difference of opinion among the fuqaha’.
The Maalikis and Shaafa’is think that the marriage contract
is invalid in that case, whereas the Hanafis and Hanbalis think that the
marriage contract should be regarded as valid but this condition should be
It says in Mughni al-Muhtaaj (4/377), which is a
Shaafa’i book: If a condition goes against the aim of marriage, such as a
stipulation that the husband should not have intercourse with her at all, or
that he should have intercourse with her only once a year or only at night
or only during the day, or that he should divorce her even if that is after
having intercourse, then the marriage is invalid because that goes against
the purpose of the marriage contract, so it renders it invalid. End quote.
Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (7/72), which is a
Hanbali book: What invalidates the condition although the marriage contract
is still valid, such as if he stipulates that she should have no mahr
(dowry), or she stipulates that he should not have intercourse with her, or
that he should withdraw from her (‘azl). These are conditions which are
invalid in and of themselves, because they go against the purpose of
marriage. But the marriage contract itself is still valid.
If she stipulates that he should not have intercourse, it may
be that the contract is invalid, because this is a condition that goes
against the purpose of marriage. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i. End
See also: Haashiyat Ibn ‘Aabideen (3/131); Fataawa
‘Aleesh al-Maaliki (1/333); Haashiyat al-Dasooqi (2/237).
Based on that, it is not permissible for you to agree to this
condition, and it is not permissible for the woman to stipulate it, because
it is an invalid condition that goes against the purpose of marriage. What
she must do is repent to Allaah and beware of speaking about Allaah with no
It should also be noted that the fiancé is a stranger
(non-mahram) to his fiancée so it is not permissible for him to speak to her
unless there is a need. She is like any other non-mahram woman.
And Allaah knows best.