I knew a man who deceived me by saying that he wanted to marry me. He said he could not announce this marriage neither could he propose to ask my family for my hand. We had a customary marriage and we wrote a paper of it. He left me and ran away. Am I really his wife?.
Praise be to Allaah.
We continue to hear about such calamities. For how long will
our daughters remain clueless, not realising what these criminals want?
Each one of them says: I know what I am doing and I trust
this man, he is not like the others, then when he gets what he wants from
her, he leaves her and runs away.
There are dozens of stories, if not hundreds or more than
that, of such calamities. It happened repeatedly and it is still happening
Islam is wise in its prohibition of women adorning themselves
and showing their beauty in front of non-mahram men.
It is wise in forbidding women to mix with men in a careless
manner which leads to nothing but evil.
It is wise in forbidding women to speak to a non-mahram man
for no purpose or unnecessarily.
It is wise is blocking the way to evildoers and those in
whose hearts is a disease. Islam enjoins women to observe hijab and cover
themselves, and to keep away from mixing with men as much as possible. It
forbids a man to touch a woman who is not his mahram and forbids being alone
with her, and it forbids speaking in a soft and alluring manner, and much
All of that is to protect her and her chastity, and to
protect society in general against indecency and immorality, so that
chastity, purity and modesty will prevail.
If a woman goes against all of that, she will fall prey to
the wolves who do not respect the sacred things of Allaah. No religious
commitment or good morals prevent them from doing anything. Then the woman
regrets it... but after it is too late, when regret will not bring back what
has been lost.
Islam is wise in forbidding women to arrange their own
marriages; rather it stipulates that her wali or guardian should be in
charge of that, because he is more able than her to choose a suitable
husband for her, and so that the woman will not be deceived and become the
plaything of criminals.
If a woman gets married without a wali, the Messenger
(blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) ruled that this is an invalid
marriage. He (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman
who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is
invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi (1102) and Abu Dawood (2083); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (1840).
If we add to that the condition of concealing it and not
announcing it or telling the people of it, this is zina beyond any shadow of
a doubt. Merely writing on a piece of paper is not enough; this paper is
worthless and does not change what is haraam into something halaal.
What people call customary marriage, that is done without the
knowledge of the wali, and without witnesses or announcements, is an invalid
marriage; it is zina, not marriage.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
With regard to secret marriage, which they agree to conceal
and for which they do not bring any witnesses, it is invalid according to
all the scholars and it comes under the heading of immorality. Allaah, may
He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “All others are
lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal-money given
by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property,
desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse” [al-Nisa’
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (33/158).
He also said:
If they get married without a wali or witnesses, and conceal
the marriage, this is an invalid marriage according to the consensus of the
imams. Rather the view of the scholars is that “there is no marriage without
a wali” and “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali,
her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid”.
Both of these phrases are narrated in al-Sunan from the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him). More than one of the early
generation said: There is no marriage except with two witnesses. This is the
view of Abu Haneefah, al-Shaafa’i and Ahmad, and Maalik regarded it as
obligatory to announce the marriage.
Secret marriage is akin to a relationship with a prostitute.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/102,
Based on this, what occurred between you was not a legitimate
marriage, and you not a wife to this man.
The ruling on customary marriage has been discussed in the
answers to questions number
45513 and 45663.
In the answer to question number
7989 you will find
evidence to show that marriage without a wali is invalid.
Finally, we call upon you to repent to Allaah and to regret
what has taken place, and to resolve not to go back to it, and to resolve to
do righteous deeds and adhere to the laws of Allaah, for Allaah has promised
acceptance and forgiveness to the one who repents from sin and does
righteous deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But whosoever repents after his crime and does righteous
good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then verily, Allaah will pardon him (accept
his repentance). Verily, Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents,
believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does
righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his
We ask Allaah to enable you to repent and to accept it from
And Allaah knows best.